Dear Public Restrooms….

I wish…

…you were clean, all the time. I would happily pay a quarter every time just to have that assurance. I am not even asking for a self-cleaning toilet.  Alas, I am taking clorox wipes with me wherever I go.

… stalls were sound and smell proof. Seriously, what is this metal wall in between business? It’s bad enough for me to know that I can make these sounds, does the world need to know?

…if you don’t have sound proof stalls, at least have a working fan or something, like an odor neutralizer

…you had paper towels or these super dyson hand dryers. But these cheapo substitutes won’t do. I don’t have the time to stand there for three minutes drying my hands.

…your toilet paper wouldn’t be so brutal. I really, really can’t take the rough. Alas, I am taking butt wipes with me, and hope I won’t mix them up with the clorox wipes

… I wouldn’t have to rely on you so much. But with IBD plus a hyperactive bladder, I really, really need you.

CORRECTION Mens Room Tourism

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