The Mountain Calls- a Remission Story

“The mountain calls”- “der Berg ruft” is a common saying in Southern Germany, Austria and Switzerland, that is, everywhere we have mountains. It derives from the famous 1937 movie of the same title, by the unforgettable Luis Trenker (yes, this was before he had his own clothes line). It’s about the first person climbing the Matterhorn. I’ll save you an essay about Mountain films.

berg ruftWhen I was in the hospital this January, I was on ward 10 B, I had a beautiful, beautiful view of Mount Hood. You have to know, OHSU is built on Marquam Hill. Patients and people who work there affectionately refer to it as “the Hill”. I had an amazing view of mount hood every morning- and since the surgeons make their rounds around 6.15 am, I got to see the mountain in all its glory.

Mount Hood, at 7 am in January
Mount Hood, at 7 am in January

Aside from it being a gorgeous view, seeing that mountain every morning was incredibly meaningful to me. Mountains were always part of my life. It gave me a sense of home, as in the Lake of Constance area where I grew up, you can see the Swiss alps on a clear day. Yes, those are mountains formed from a glacier and Mount Hood is a volcano, but for the sake of symbolism, we won’t care! In California, you could see the Sierras on a clear day, and one of my happiest memories there is hiking quarter dome in Yosemite. Also,  the building next to the CA State Capitol in Sacramento, the 3rd district court, has a beautiful inscription: “Give me men to match my mountains”- I am taking the liberty to include myself here.

Where I grew up! This was taken from www.badenwuerttemberg.de
Where I grew up!
This was taken from http://www.badenwuerttemberg.de

Seeing Mount Hood every morning was a reward and a cheer on at the same time. I made it through another night and I could get through the day even stronger. The mountain metaphor finds itself in language again and again- fighting an uphill battle, don’t die on that hill ( in my case maybe a little too literal), and of course, Dr. King’s most beautiful speech- “I have been to the mountaintop.”

Over the course of the next months, I was at OHSU again and again, check ups, CT scans, blood work- and I always made the point of going to the cafeteria to look at Mount Hood. The mountain seemed as far as my recovery, and yet, I knew how close it was-90 minutes by car! How close was recovery, and the even farther away remission though?

On September 15, almost eight months later, sweet Dr. Leitz from infectious diseases told me I didn’t need to come anymore. My blood work was excellent and it looked like all my internal abscesses sterile or gone. For better or worse- remission. Someone had spoken the word. I stumbled to the cafe, got my beloved cappuccino and found a bench with a view. And then I bawled my eyes out. Public embarrassment, Number 40586.  I had been feeling strong and fairly healthy for a while, but it had been a roller coaster! Getting to the point of trying the Remicade again, losing my hair over it, hair coming back stronger and weeks of mood swings . Yes, uphill battle, no shit. So now,  officially remission.

feelin' all Cheryl Strayed with those boots
feelin’ all Cheryl Strayed with those boots

That weekend, my husband, my parents and I decided to do the bald mountain hike. It’s an easy hike, but you can make it as long as you want, it connects to other trails. As any mountain hiker will tell you, once you are close to the top and you have an amazing view, everything else is forgotten. You are in awe, religious or not, you have your “Who the hell am I in the midst of all this ?” moment. This time I didn’t cry. I had arrived at my mountain.  I stood at the bald mountain plateau, looked at the mountain, surrounded by my loved ones and was happy.

There it is
There it is

IMG_7002

I know that the disease can strike at any time again, and I will still have my daily battles with fatigue. But I’ll always have my mountain. And the mountain calls.

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18 responses to The Mountain Calls- a Remission Story

  1. Geoff says:

    Wonderful piece. And especially liked the comparison between both mountainous “hikes”. I’m glad to year that you’re in remission. I wish a family member I know was just as blessed on that front.

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  2. elconstable says:

    What fabulous writing, and with the most welcome news!! I’m thrilled for you, Verena. I can just imagine how the view of Mount Hood in the context of all the mountains in your life became so special during these times.

    Like

    • vjhutter says:

      Thank you, Liz! This means a lot to me. I hope you are well, too!

      Like

  3. Tracy says:

    I also love the inspiration of mountains. Yes, looking to something bigger than ourselves helps us persevere in hard circumstances. Glad to hear you are doing better.

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    • vjhutter says:

      Thank you! There will likely be more mountain stories to come…

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  4. You are so brave! A hike to Mount Hood was definitely a very fitting way to celebrate your victory. You really are a match to the mountain! God bless 🙂

    Like

  5. Natalia Richer says:

    Beautiful story, glad for your recovery and mountain success. Someone else was looking out that window that day you were at the top.

    Like

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