Today’s post is from my brilliant friend B. He has cerebral palsy, and his humor is a constant inspiration.
Post-Event Cerebral Palsy Adaptation Report #8748373-6D
Scenario: overcrowded department party. Human density: 3 elbow-endowed humans in wool suits per square foot.
Problem: greater than zero chance of cataclysmic spillage of staining liquid and/or sauce due to jostling or critical loss of balance and/or maxillofacial injury at the hands of gravity.
Solution: ordered white wine instead of red to minimize staining potential should the worse occur. Secured safe haven by door with solid structure for support. Position against wall reduced surface area and risk of multidirectional impacts.
Summary: untarnished first impression with strangers tangentially related to subject’s universe achieved. Though embarrassment and/or professional alienation remains likely, chances of a sartorial apocalypse leading to awkward dapping of strangers’ lapels remain low. Overall judgement: Good.