Best of Crohn’s comments: a list

I previously posted this list on a social network site, so apologies for cross-posting. Since then some stuff got added. These are comments and suggestions I have heard since I was a child- so at some point I started collecting them for fun. I used to get upset and angry, but now I think they are just funny in their warped, bizarre way.

Here we go:

• “Crohn’s, yeah, that is one of these psycho-diseases.
• “You know, a lot of these diseases are very psychological, so if you were thinking happier thoughts, the pain would go away”
• “My aunt knows a wart healer. I know Crohn’s is not the same, but maybe she could give it a try?”
• “You know Verena, you having that disease is hard on your boyfriend. So try to hide your real personality from him, and be not so feisty all the time to make up for the Crohn’s.”
• “Maybe try some Ylang-Ylang Aromatherapy Candles?”
• I am on 80mg Cortisone a day: “Honey, you look really….healthy”
• “Being disciplined and hard-working never killed anybody. If you came to class every day, and studied more, you wouldn’t think about your disease any more, and it would be gone before you know it” (a well-meaning high-school teacher. My dear mother ripped him a new one. ahahah)
• “Really, what is all the fuss about a little bit of diarrhea?”
• “Acai- Berry Juice has great anti-oxidants, you should try it”
• “You shouldn’t pursue a Phd., it is too stressful for you. Try something low-key, like selling books.”
• “So what is the reason for the flare?”
• “How can a young person sleep so much? If everybody was like you, this country would break down!”
• “You know, Verena, all that reading that you do- you don’t live a balanced life. No wonder your stomach, the emotions react. Your condition is an outcry of your suppressed soul”
• “You should eat more fiber.”
• “Ever tried to detox?”
•  “You always say that the cortisone makes you fat. I think you are using that as an excuse not to push yourself enough” (a PE teacher)
• A friend, one week after I had a Seton drain for my fistulas: ” So can you and your partner have anal sex? You guys can have sex though, right? Otherwise, it would be quite the strain on him. “
• “Last Sunday, in church, I told my kids to light a candle for you”
• Family members using baby-speak when they talk to me about my health: “So Verena, how is your little tummy-wummy?”
• This one was for my mother: “A young child doesn’t develop Crohn’s out of the blue. How dysfunctional is your family?”
• Another one for my pregnant with my sister mother: “Your oldest child has Crohn’s. Do you really think it’s a good idea to have another one?”
• “You should drink luke-warm water- it’ll help heal your surgery wound. (the surgery wound is 12 inches long, has three abscesses and is 1 inch deep).
• Everybody’s favorite: “But you look so good!”